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This Entry is Rated:
with 2 votes!

09/07/11 | 21:51PM
I feel hatred. I feel very, very angry. I feel loathing. I loathe Verizon, and I hope they go bankrupt.

It all started innocently enough. It was a calm late summer day in the Boston's quaint Coolidge Corner neighborhood, where I had recently moved. The sun was out and the birds were chirping as I moved the final piece of furniture into my new apartment with my charming roommate Peter. A few hours later, the posters were up and the bookshelves were filled. We were off to a tremendous start. Only one thing was missing: we couldn't watch our newly mounted TV or access the internet! Oh well, let's bite the bullet and get this over with. I wonder what companies provide service in this area? There is only one, and it is called Verizon. The word left my mouth innocuously, without even a hint of displeasure. That was the last time that has ever happened.

Excuse the wordy introduction. I went on the verizon website and quickly enough saw the "bundles" option. "Perfect, that's what I need!". I selected the bundle I wanted. I even spoke to Kimberly, a Verizon professional, via Verizon's own version of instant messenger. How nice! (never again). Kimberly, will the .5-1mbps internet stream videos? "Let me help you with that" she said. 10 minutes later: "Please select .1-5 mbps". We played that game of cat and mouse for fifteen minutes. She never directly said whether it supported it or not. Would it work? What do you mean it wouldn't be "optimal"? Would it fucking work Kimberly? Kimberly had no answer, only plenty of recommendations. Fine. Fuck Kimberly. But we can't hate Verizon just because Kimberly has an unfortunate inability to answer questions correctly. What if it's congenital? Then who's the asshole? Me. So I didn't judge. This concludes Day 1 of my epic quest for cable and internet in my apartment.

Day 2 dawned just as day 1. I walk to the Coolidge Corner Starbucks, which is nestled sweetly between an independent bookstore and a local Thai restaurant, and I freeload their internet. Back to the website, back to the assistant. Not Kimberly today, maybe she's gone for treatment for her condition. Today, we have Emile, who seems sweet enough. I had since resigned myself to buying the 1.1-5 mbps internet just so I could get on with my life. Verizon wins, wah wah. But I was OK with that. "OK Emile, I'm ready for a purchase!". "Great!" I select the 1.1-5 mbps internet, and the most basic TV package available. Great. "Emile, why are you trying to charge me a $120 surcharge?" "What? I don't know what you're talking about". "You know, it says right there on the bottom". "Hum? What? Oh, you must be mistaken. Please press that abnormally large 'give Verizon your money' button in the bottom right hand corner of your screen". "Emile, why do I feel inclined to call my lawyer?" The $120 fee vanishes. I close the chat. Emile gets shitty ratings. Day 3.

Day 3 begins. It's raining, it's cold, and I've had dreams of being eaten by a giant red V. I walk to Starbucks, and buy something this time just out of appreciation for them not being Verizon. Onto the website. Open the chat window. Wait for the attendant. Today, we have Johanna. OK, I'll get the more expensive internet connection. OK, I'll pay the $20 surcharges. I don't even talk to Johanna for most of the transaction. I'm a man on a mission. I'll do almost anything to stop watching the same season of 30 rock over, and over, and over again. We're at the close out page. Thank God this hell is nearly over. And then, the V rears it's ugly red head. No. It can't be. I've come so close! HOW CAN IT BE!?!? And then, what I willed to come across as a hollow, internet voice, I typed, as a broken man: "Johanna, why does it say I have to sign a two year contract with Direct TV to have this bundle?" "There's no contract with the internet!!" "Johanna, I didn't ask about that. Why the contract with the TV?" "You get over 200 on demand channels!!" I survey the room for anything that could wrap around my neck and support my weight. "Johanna is it impossible for me to get this service without signing a two year contract?" "You can get FiOS without a contract" ................................................
Fine. Let's do it. I'll pay the extra money. I would pay to never hear the name Verizon uttered again. I say, fine, let's do it. "Please click FiOS TV and let me know once you are on the following page!" With my left hand gripped on the corner of the Starbucks table, a vein throbbing in my head, and the man sitting across from me groping for something to grab in self-defense, I slowly move my mouse to the "FiOS TV" section of the website. I click. The prices aren't too outrageous, and there's no contract! Could it be? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?! I click "Order". Yes Verizon, you win. Take my money. I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK TO JOHANNA ANY LONGER! And then, just before the clouds clear, I see written, in cheerful green lettering: "Verizon FiOS Is Not Offered in your area! Please consider Direct TV".

Everything seems to go black after that moment. I don't remember much, but I have a feeling I'm no longer welcome at that Starbucks on Coolidge Corner. Now, I'm watching Family Feud comfortably on my television, which is shadowed by two very large transmitter antennae.

I hate Verizon, and if there is any justice in the world, the company will fall apart. Please, Lord, let Verizon fail so that the rest of us may succeed. Amen.

Anonymous - Verizon H8er ID: 2444C8

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09/10/11 | 9:22AM
I feel for ya but I love the way you told of your Verion experiences!

Anonymous - Verizon H8er ID: 2AEB49

09/15/11 | 1:46AM
WHY WHY didn't you call the CATV provider for that area??????????????????????????????????????
Much better service .phone ....cable TV AND broadband!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello!! any one home???

You MUST be a college student. Clueless

Former Vz - Verizon H8er ID: 589298

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